Tue Nov 25, 2003 at 09:54:17 PM EST
I have a foreclosure hearing next month. And another divorce hearing.
Thank God I have a sense of humor!
Back about a month ago my lawyer copied me in a “shit or get off the pot” letter to Evil-X's lawyer, stating “we're going to court on (whatever the hell date it was) to decide this divorce...” with, of course, a bunch of wherases and other mumbo-jumbo almost comprehensible lawyer nonsense.
Hooray! I had been goading my lawyer since I had hired her in June. Yeah, yeah, she was cheap and I was broke...
Anyway, the very next day I get a copy of a letter from X's lawyer to the judge saying he couldn't be there because of some convention or something in Chicago.
So the judge moved it up a month. This past Monday, to be exact. My lawyer said it was only a status hearing and I didn't have to be there.
Somehow a week or so ago I found Evil-X in my face as I always do, cursed as I am, who informed me that her lawyer told her she better be at the hearing!
I'm thinking along the lines of “holy fucking shit”. Something like that. I also figured it wouldn't hurt to take a two hour vacation and a hike in the cold. After all, Satan Itself is arrayed against me.
So I tell the new boss lady (I'm on loan at work, did I mention?) I have a court hearing and need a two hour vacation and she says sure.
Monday I show up at work bright and early, and by the time I got to work, Patty had somehow wrangled the position of chauffeur. “Meet me at 8:30,” I told her.
Eight thirty and my youngest daughter chauffeurs me to my first divorce hearing. She thought she had a right to be there.
I thought it was too cold to walk.
“Look,” she says as we pull into the parking lot, “there's Mom's car.” She parks next to it.
It’s almost as cold as my ex-wife’s heart as we cross the street to the courthouse. I ask for directions as I surrender my knife and go through the metal detector.
We ascend to the higher reaches of the building, and get out to see huge windows. Six floors up. Very nice view, I was glad I wasn't afraid of heights. “Oh, you're afraid of water? Sorry, you've got the wrong courthouse. You want the one in the aquarium.”
I noticed the braille on the elevator buttons and pictured a large blind man walking into one of those windows... I wonder how strong they are?
We walk closer to the courtroom and there it sits. Scowling, of course. I tried not to look. “Uh, excuse me, I have to go to the rest room...”
I really did. My bowels were, as they say, “in an uproar”.
My lawyer was talking to the bailiffs. Someone please look up “bailiff” and see if I spelled it right. Yes, I've had a few beers.
Where was I? Oh yeah, my lawyer. “Can I help you?” one of the bailiffs asked. “He's waiting for me,” she said.
Evil-X's lawyer had called my lawyer to say he wasn't coming.
So I chat with Patty and my lawyer until the judge comes in, and after the judge judges some other people he gets around to me, and actually pretty quickly, too.
My lawyer talks to him for two minutes and that's that.
Now there's another hearing in 3 weeks. The day before my foreclosure hearing.
I ask my lawyer how long before I have to move.
“Nine months. And don't pay any bills except your utilities!” She had already told me that since X had declared bankruptcy, I now had to since I was responsible for her debts. Even to the landlord she rented from when she moved out so she could fuck that other guy.
So anyway, why in hell couldn't we have done this a month ago?
As we were leaving the courtroom, and down the elevator, I had the pleasure of watching Patty deride Evil-X's choice of lawyers. She used lovely words such as “stupid” and “incompetent” and she said it gloatingly.
Oh, I love my children so!